Writing Your First Novel (or Two) – Update 2

Hello all, so based on feedback from a few awesome readers, I have sharpened up my novel synopsis, shown below. Please know that any comments are greatly appreciated. I can’t tell you how helpful any feedback is.

The temple was quick to call it a gift of prophesy, while such a gift was useful. Llani discovers that her ability is much less of a blessing when she’s spouting omens of death and destruction on the head of the high priest, Isak Tornin. Charged with blasphemy and named a false prophet, Llani discovers that the Goddess Jordaine is not done blessing her yet. With the Empire of Braeth facing a united army of the Western Hill Tribes for the first time in generations, many people are looking for favor in the eyes of the Goddess of War.

Does this seem more direct? Cleaner? I feel like someone without background could easily become lost in the paragraph’s details before.

It is my belief that progress happens when you hold yourself accountable to someone. Hello several virtual someones to whom I am now making a report on my progress.

Fleshing out my main villain- Isak- was the task I set for myself last update.  This was a task that absolutely could not be put off and needed to happen before any further work was done.

In early versions I thought it was more unsettling if Llani didn’t know what he was doing so she and the reader got blindsided by his plans, however after reflection- Llani can still get blindsided, its actually more engaging and suspenseful if the audience watches the trap unfolding. In my opinion it’s going well. With more background on our baddie it is becoming clearer that he isn’t deranged and hateful just to be deranged and hateful.

• He truly and wholeheartedly believes that Llani wants to bring lasting harm to the temple and the people of the city.
• He believes that all sin must be expunged, in the old testament sense of things- If the right hand sins better to cut it off and all that.
• He believes this for good reason. Sin that humans do not deal with tends to be smitten (smote?), by any god or gods who get peeved enough. Gods don’t have very accurate aim. It is directly conducive to living a long lifespan in a city that doesn’t get wiped off the map by the next natural disaster or conquering army, to ensure evil does not become large enough for one of the five gods to notice, get irritated with, and smite. This is particularly true when one serves the Goddess of war, who is incidentally known for deciding and meting out Heaven’s Justice.
• D) Other, significantly less fanatical people agree with him for similar and different reasons and view Llani and what she represents with distrust and see the necessity of working to contain her influence.

In the midst of all this, I discovered a yawning hole in the plot that focuses on his first attempt to kill Llani.

I had decided that he would be partially successful, one of Llani’s closest allies- Cedes would be killed. And since she was going to die I sorta had her lie down and die. That was it, if she fought her death the audience didn’t see it. Her family was even accepting of the fact that Cedes was going to be sacrificed. The one to save the many.

Upon further reflection that is absolute bullshit for the character as an individual and the family as a group. Instead they are going to wreck shit up. It shall be glorious. Vendettas and hatred to last ten generations, and a mother figure’s decision that if no one will lift a finger to save her child she will watch the whole world burn and lay the ashes on Cede’s grave so her soul may rest easy. And striking the match. And stepping back. And staring into the eyes of the one who betrayed her loyalty, as every network of support he ever built on her and her families loyalty goes up like paper in a bonfire.

Yes. It shall be wonderful.

Stay tuned, my focus for the next update will be

• Making the mother figure- Brenna more visibly vital, so her defection hurts more
• Giving Cedes more screen time so the reader doesn’t want her to die
• Making clearer that although the Prince’s foremost trait is Honor. (He always believes himself in the right, because technically he is. His every action is to uphold the Empire’s Justice.) His actions are still wrong, and a betrayal to those whom he owes loyalty, and there are consequences for betrayal.

Predator

It has more sharp teeth than any carnivore has a right to. Its haunches and shoulders are humped and packed with muscle. Large paws show large black claws that scratch the earth with each deliberate flex of those gray-black paws. The breath is putrid, pouring from between those great yellowed teeth in miasmic huffs.

It’s not going to be any of those that get you. It’s the fear. You’re frozen by it, because you’re prey and instinctually you know it. You heart is beating in your throat, in your ears, nigh coming out of your chest. It’s trying to get the most out of the time it has left. Conversely, your breath is stuck in your lungs; your swollen heart is blocking it. You can’t scream, you can’t cry, you can barely breathe. That’s probably best. This is the ultimate the predator, best to move as little as possible.

It doesn’t matter that you are its evolutionary superior. It doesn’t matter that you can read and write, build tools, that yours is a brain that has the ability to build weapons that can wipe out thousands in a bright flash. Right here, right now the fact you have cognitive abilities that this creature can’t dream of is irrelevant. Here, the meaning of life is simple, survival of the fittest. You are a bald, naked, pink creature, with no claws and blunt teeth. Your muscles are weak and the way you walk exposes all your vital organs, neck, belly, throat.

You are Food.

Then it springs. You are dead in a simple crunch of teeth on fragile bone and cartilage.

But you were dead when it first caught you in its dull hungry gaze.

–G.A. Buba

Stripped Asiatic Hyena

Its been a busy week, will try to post more regularly

Writing Your First Novel (or Two)- Update 1

So I’m a Writer. That’s what I tell people anyway when I’m not glaring daggers at hydraulic modeling software that’s decided, yes it really does want to crash for the seventh time this 9 hour working period, thanks for asking, also known as my day job.

This blog was started not only as a place to put my short stories, occasional poetry, food rants, and travel writing, but as a place to log progress made on my novel. It’s been an ongoing project for about five or six years now, which is back on the front burner after an editor friend took a hack at the first finalized rough draft last summer. The work of my youth was callously hacked it in to two books and I was bluntly told do a full rewrite of the first half of the first book which seemed as though it’d been written by a histrionic and verbose teen who thought concision was for pussies. Which, in her defense, it had.

If you ever want true conformation that you’re writing’s improved go take a gander at something you wrote five years ago. I dare you. If you’re lucky it won’t be something integral to an ongoing project and you can wince and laugh a bit to yourself about adverb usage and the all too seductive ellipse and move on. If you’re not lucky then we should chat about revamping a story that appealed to teenaged-you into something now-you wants to have their name publically attached to. But that’s neither here nor there. At present, I have two nearly completed novels each with a full story arch, a batch of memorable characters that hardly seem anything like the people that sixteen year old me thought up and a lot of loose ends and things to improve on bulleted in a dog eared notebook.

Here are some of the highlights that I’m going to focus my energy on this month:

• Isak, our villain with a capital V. Why are we afraid of him? What can he do, in concrete detail that makes him dangerous to cross. It is said but not shown. We almost never see him, he always just pops in with his newest scheme without warning.
  • Show what happens to people who cross him
  • Show what happened to Marcella
  • Show his power over the lesser of the other 5 temples

Suggestions, comments, and good thoughts sent in my general direction are appreciated. Here’s my story pitch again for anyone interested.

The temple was quick to call it a gift of prophesy, while such a gift was useful. Llani discovers that her ability is much less of a blessing when she’s spouting omens of death and destruction on the head of the high priest, Isak Tornin. But even charged with blasphemy and named a false prophet, fallen from grace, the Goddess Jordaine, High Lady of the Heavens, is not done blessing Llani yet. After all, with the Empire of Braeth facing a war with the western hill tribes come summer, many people are looking for favor in the eyes of the Goddess of War.

My Novel- Book One: Practice Pitches

So for anyone interested here’s the quick pitch for my novel, And They Called Her Stormbringer.

The temple was quick to call it a “gift of prophesy”, while such a gift was useful. Llani discovers that her ability is much less of a blessing when she’s spouting omens of death and destruction on the head of the high priest, Isak Tornin. But even charged with blasphemy and named a false prophet, fallen from grace, the Goddess Jordaine, High Lady of the Heavens, is not done blessing Llani yet. After all, with the Empire of Braeth facing a war with the western hill tribes come summer, many people are looking for favor in the eyes of the Goddess of War.

Does this seem interesting? Would you like to know more? I have issues talking about my novel, I’ve been writing practice pitches. Feedback is appreciated. I much prefer shoving my writing under someone’s nose and going:

Me: “Read.”

Hapless Friend: “But what am I reading?”

Me: “Doesn’t matter, just read.”

—G.A. Buba

Check the new pen I got, its Japanese and has a warning label on it in itsy bitsy print. “Retract after use.” I love nice pens, particularly pens concerned you might harm yourself with themselves enough to post neat little warnings